Music to help you get through this!

My narcissist and I listened to a lot of music together. When I left him, there wasn't a song I could listen to without thinking about him. 

Now, after going through 9 beautiful days with no contact, I'm reflecting on the music that helped get me through the past 4 months of severing ties. 

He and I listened to the band, CAKE. A friend of mine gave me a copy of their album, Prolinging the Magic, about 2 months into the split. I burned a copy for my narcissist and left it in his mailbox wrapped in a published article I wrote about emotional and mental abuse. Then I listened to the album- over and over and over again. 

Those songs must've been written with a narcissist in mind, because every song hit home- either in regards to him, or in regards to me. It made me think of him, hate him, love him & then hate him again- it was wonderful! After about a week of it, I was done. And I haven't listened to it since. 

Shovels & Rope "Swimmin' Time" (Deluxe Version) was also a great album to listen to. To keep myself busy with other things (since I was escaping him & didn't care what he was doing), I created art. I chose to paint on canvas. Some of these songs blasting through my earbuds while I slung acrylic paint was just the inspiration I needed! 

I also love stoned to John Gorka's"Armed with a Broken Heart." It was another song mixing my actions & his. 

I havent listened to much music for about 2 weeks. When I drive in my car, I listen to country music now (it's not what I listened to with my narcissist). I hope these help you heal! 

The secret to "No Contact"

Over the past few months I've been breaking away from my narcissist. Oh, what a chore! 

Moving all my shit out of the house in 3 hours was difficult enough. I'd hope our phone calls and texting would dwindle & I would fade away into history. And they did --after I blocked his number through my phone. Unfortunately, I discovered that he could still leave voicemails. 

And, boy, did he! 

And I listened to them, but only once (bullshit all sounds the same, after a while, doesn't it?). I analyzed the digital info that came along with it on my smart phone though. I could see what time he called, how long the message was & of course I knew his number, plus the date was there. 

I saved them all too, for a time. It turns out, that a narcissist can leave 19 average voicemails in 4 days and you can have 4 other saved messages before your voice mail gets full! And for 9 full days, you can go without any bullshit (lies, half-truths, manipulations, etc.) from your narcissist too! 

Try it! You'll like it! 

Let your mailbox stay full over the weekend. Answer every call that comes in. If he calls, you won't know because you've blocked his number! Check as often as you'd like to see if he left a message. But know he can't; your voice mail is full!

Be prepared to complete some projects! Make time to secure your house & triple-check that your drapes are closed (I still do this)! Can you take time off from work? You are about to get your head on straight- this is a good time to drop some responsibilities! You need this! Break away, Girl! 

I survived a narcissist; you can too!

I just listened to Owen Readings, "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay." I gotta hold on to this feeling! I was Sittin' on the deck of a friend's balcony by myself tonight, and enjoyed the cool night air around me. I had a groovy kinda feeling as I sat comfortably in my daisy Dukes & tanktop. 

It was my most peaceful moment in months. I let down my guard a little more today. It's been sky high as I have been actively trying to avoid my narcissist for two and a half months. I feel like I've used both hands trying to hold up a lead-lined protective sheet around me. I guess I started putting it up since just before I moved out of my narcissist's place on March 14, 2015 until today, July 7, 2015. 

As flabby as my arms are, I'd think they'd be toned by now as often as I've lifted up that damn guard!

I dropped my guard. I was weak to start with. I mean, he was a habit- and I liked him. 

My guard slipped. I was caught off guard because I was focusing on other things until he would honor that 'NO CONTACT" order I issued in late May.  Of course he broke that the VERY NEXT DAY. 

Here's that story: You see, daily I would go outside on my break to go for a drive- (I used to drive past his house twice during the hour without stopping. It was good practice to keep on driving). And then May 2, 2015 I quit driving past his house-the day of the cell phone/coffee stain fiasco.  

Because he wouldn't leave me alone, despite my requests- On May 20, 2015 I issued a NO CONTACT with hometown police. On May 21st I went out for my daily drive at about 1:40 PM to find this Rubber Cement Glued to my WINDSHIELD. 

That was the day I knew he wasn't finished with me yet. My cat came up missing the next day.

She was an outside cat. She adopted me. When I lived with a good friend, she showed up one Thanksgiving & never left, until May 23, that is.  

So, yeah, I've been on high alert. 

But today I allowed myself to let my guard down because (and this is the good part), I have not heard from my narcissist in seven days! But don't think I'm not constantly aware of my surroundings. I still lock the doors & pull the curtains constantly.